Men need time away from women

Guys need to be around guys without girls. They need to flex, maybe not so much when we’re older, but we need to be able to be guys, which is different from being a husband or boyfriend.

People refer to a group of guys as a pack or a tribe. I’m good with that. When I was growing up, guys always hung out with guys. When our family lived in Virginia, I was always outside playing with guys. We’d play Army, eat crab apples from the trees, play football or ride bikes until sundown. We didn’t hate girls, we just wanted to do things with boys. All the kids played together but the energy and type of play changes when you add girls.

My mom would encourage me to hang out with my dad when he was home on the weekends. He taught me a lot about baseball and basic auto mechanics, things my mom couldn’t teach me.

As I got older, we started incorporating girls into our activities, but even then it was limited. I recall having a great friendship with a kid who was from Great Britain. We’d explore and play games and fight, like really hit each other just because that’s what boys do. When we moved to Maine, my 2 best friends were Tim MacKay and William Dalrymple. We’d ride bike all over the area, explore the woods and back then, park our bikes at the airport and go inside and watch the planes take off and land. As guys from, time to time we’d spend the night at each others homes and just have guy fun. We were developing an interest in girls but we still wanted that guy time. In high school we paid more attention to girls but if I had to put money on it, I’d say we still spent more time hanging out with guys.

When I went to the Air Force Academy Prep School, I recall the third floor, where my room was, being all males. I won’t share a lot of what we did up there, but a lot of it kept us in trouble. But that’s how guys are.

At the Air Force Academy I knew of female tribes but you didn’t have to look hard to find male tribes. If a guy was in your tribe and he had a girlfriend one of 2 things would occur. Either she was the type of girl who could hang with the tribe, or the guy would have to limit his visits with us. The other option was extreme and could require the guy to get rid of that girl and find someone new.

Guys might be cuttin’ up at a bar or restaurant and the energy changes when you introduce a woman to the group. It may seem cool when the woman starts acting like one of the guys so she can fit in, but it really isn’t cool; it just makes her look trashy.

Guys need to be around guys without girls. They need to flex, maybe not so much when we’re older, but we need to be able to be guys, which is different from being a husband or boyfriend. Guys learn to struggle together. Guys learn about the “guy code” and about trust from other guys. They learn when it’s appropriate to cry knowing the other guys will bust their balls later about it but will never share that moment with anyone. Guys learn pecking orders, how to lead, follow or get out of the way. Guys say things to each other that, to a girl, may seem hurtful, but it’s just guys. A dude will let you know when you’ve crossed the line. Then the flexing might start, even a fight. After that all’s forgiven and we go onto the next adventure. Guys are gross, immature, and crude but are also taught not to be that way around women.

We need time to be gross, immature, and crude.

Is it really necessary for guys to have guy time away from women? I believe it is. I believe from the time they are born and beyond all men need time away from women. Boys become men by hanging out with and learning from men, not women. Boys learn risky behavior (good and bad) by hanging out with boys not girls. Boys learn to lead, explore and just be a boy from other boys and other men. Guys need to learn to wrestle and fight but not with girls.

Boys need to learn how to treat women, but they need to learn that from men, so it makes sense and so that man can correct that boy and help develop a man. Boys need to learn to protect, respect and defend women and this needs to be taught to them by men.

Someone reading this is going to say women can teach boys just as well. Some can, but it’s not the same. Many single mothers do great work, but most always look for help from a man when they are raising sons.

I personally believe one of the downfalls of our education system is allowing boys and girls to go to school together. That’s a topic for another essay but that’s what I believe.

Boys need to go on camping trips without girls. Boys need to build and destroy things without being around girls.

Boys just wanna be boys without girls.

So no, I don’t believe girls should be in Boy Scouts. Boys need their space to become young men and then men. Boys don’t need to compete with girls. The world is complicated enough without adding someone else boys need to compete with. Boys don’t care about beating the crap out of each other but they do instinctively find it hard to compete against and defeat women.

All I can do is provide you with my observations and experiences as a 64 year old man. There is a time and place when men and women can and should share each others company, but in the overall, men need, or dare I say, crave time to bond with other men.

Let boys be boys with boys, that way, maybe, they won’t wanna be girls…