Parents must stop making excuses for themselves and stop coddling their children

When parents overprotect their children, especially from learning and the stress associated with discipline, they make their children weak with an inability to be resilient later in life.

A friend of mine, who is an elementary school educator, was sharing with me and another friend, the challenges associated with some of the children she educates. These challenges involve children not doing their homework, extensive absences, and some not being able to read, write, or do basic math. These deficits, in addition to the lack of consistency and involvement by most parents with the educator, the school, and their child, is a major concern. 

As the conversation continued, my other friend shared the challenges some parents might have raising their children. 

“We live in different times.” she said, pointing out that most parents don’t have time to work with their children. Many parents go to work after their child comes home from school and most parents are just “babies” raising babies.

My friend had the same conversation with her father. In addition to the aforementioned challenges, she spoke about the lack of discipline displayed by her students and that she has been entrusted to educate these students, not raise them. She shared that some parents believe anything their child tells them about their educator yet refuse to believe anything the educator may say concerning their child’s performance or behavior in the classroom. Statics show that most of the children who struggle with learning are undisciplined. 

Her father stated that she should show some grace, as most of these parents are just “babies” raising babies.

Her immediate response to her friend and her father was that at one time, she was a baby raising babies, and we need to stop making excuses for parents and parents need to stop coddling their children. 

My friend is a dedicated educator who does everything she can to develop and enhance the parent-teacher relationship. She gives the parents her personal cellphone number. This is so that they can contact her anytime they need guidance concerning homework, or anything related to the education of their child. Unfortunately, most parents never contact her, until they realize their child may not be moving up to the next grade. 

We do live in different times; however, that should not be an excuse for children misbehaving in school. There is no excuse for a child not being able to read, write or do basic math. There is no excuse for a teacher asking 3rd graders to turn to page 100 in their math books, and the kids are unable to find page 100. 

In my opinion, the reason these students are undisciplined and uneducated is because parents want the educators to teach and raise their children.  

Today’s standards for children set by parents are embarrassingly low. Parents don’t demand excellence from their children unless it has something to do with sports. Many children have never held or read a book at home, and many have not had stories read to them. Parents have gone from letting the television be the babysitter, to letting the iPad, cellphones and social media take over their child’s lives. 

The importance of being able to read, and seeing other people reading, is critical to the success of a child.  If a child struggles with reading, but loves to watch television, mute the television, and use the closed captions feature so the child now has to read the words going across the screen. 

 

Provide a structured environment for children at home, so they are able to function in a structured environment at school. There is a correlation between being disciplined and being successful in school. It takes discipline to work through tough math and science problems. It requires discipline and stamina to read and comprehend, especially as a child moves into solving word problems in math and reading chapter books. Parents must be involved in their child’s education by making it interesting and fun. Read bedtime stories or play math games when you go to the store.  Allow children to have fun and make mistakes. That’s the best way to learn.

In “The Coddling of the American Mind” by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt, the authors point out that parents coddle their children, which they define as putting an emphasize on overprotecting or treating them with extreme or excessive care or kindness.  Children need physical and mental challenges, or they will deteriorate. When parents overprotect their children, especially from learning and the stress associated with discipline, they make their children weak with an inability to be resilient later in life. 

Parents must understand that their child is not their friend, and their educators are not their parent. The educator can reenforce good behaviors learned at home, but they are not responsible for teaching them good behavior. Parents are not completely responsible for educating their children, but they are responsible for ensuring they are learning, practicing, and retaining the information provided to them at school. If a child needs help, it is the responsibility of the parent to work with their teacher to discover ways to improve your child’s learning. The education of a child is a shared responsibility, but the parent is the child’s first and primary educator. 

Parents are responsible for filling in the education gaps because, they are the child’s primary educator. Each year children get new teachers, but throughout their educational career parents are their one constant.

Parents must work with educators, so their student will be successful.  

Parents must stop making excuses for themselves and stop coddling their children.