Do NOT Get Divorced

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Take the time to listen to Ep.103 - Do NOT Get Divorced (Anthony Bradley) Free Black Thought Podcast, hosted by Connie Morgan. The majority of these podcast are excellent. This one, in my opinion, is almost perfect. Obviously by the title, the podcast is about marriage, but the key point driven home by Mr. Bradley, is that married people should not get divorced. Listen to the podcast for clarification. Of course there are a few reasons why a divorce might be the only recourse; however, if you are getting divorced because you’re not happy, or your spouse has changed, or marriage isn’t what you thought it was going to be, you’ll be making a big mistake and you should continue reading my essay as well as listen to this podcast.

I want to share my thoughts about this podcast.

Before I get into the final point as it relates to marriage, allow me to discuss the many relationships we have in our lives and why the marriage relationship is the most important and the most permanent.

When we are born, we form a bond and develop a relationship with our parents and possibly our sibling.

• “ Bonding typically refers to a deep, meaningful connection between individuals characterized by several key elements: Trust: Both parties feel safe confiding in each other without fear of judgment or betrayal. Trust is foundational for vulnerability and openness.”

The job of parents is to raise and develop a person who can enter the world and make their own way. Many times the process of developing a child creates a relationship that isn’t the best.

• “A relationship is the way two or more people are connected, or the way they behave toward each other: "What is your relationship to the soloist?" "She's my daughter." The two men have a good working relationship. A relationship is also a close romantic friendship between two people.”

The parents can’t wait for the child to leave and the child can’t wait to leave and be on his own. Sometimes situations arise where the parents and the child dissolve their connection, meaning they just stop communicating with each other. This same thing can occur with siblings. They are still related but no longer enjoy a relationship. Nothing obligates them to continue their bond into adulthood. You can not take your parents or your siblings to court and demand they love you or help pay your mortgage. They are not obligated to support you or interact with you if they choose not to. Some may see this as morally wrong, and I believe it is, but it is what it is.

The next connection we all enter into is friendships. Bonding occurs here. When people bond over similar interest they usually become friends. It’s easy for me to bond with someone who is a fan of the Denver Broncos, a graduate of any service academy, or is of a conservative mindset. However, just like the parent/sibling/child relationship, no one is obligated to keep or maintain a friendship. We’ve all had friends who unfriended us on social media, or friends who only call or show up when they need something. We’ve also cut ties with friends who’s values or outlook on life no longer match ours. For every friend you lose you can gain a new one. Friendships are fluid. We can be good friends today, best friends next month and completely stop interacting next year. It hurts to lose a friend but again, there’s no law or rules that can be enforced to make me be your friend.

When a man and a woman enter into a relationship, bonding takes place. Both people feel they can trust each other. They start identifying as boyfriend and girlfriend. They’re a couple. Sometimes they trust each other so much they want to move in with each other and live as if they are married without the commitment. I know couples who have done this. The term “friends with benefits” comes to mind when I see this situation. The couple can profess their love to each other all they want but at the end of the day they’re just friends. Many times the promise of marriage is made and the date is some distant time in the future. The couple tell everyone they are engaged, but there is no ring and no wedding date, so you’re just friends living as if you are married, hoping one day to be married, maybe.

If you read the preceding paragraph, you’ll see what could potentially happen. Romantic friendships are fluid. We can be in love today, more in love next month and completely stop interacting next year. Many of the relationships end and the two parties start over again with someone new and the cycle repeats itself. It hurts to lose a boy/girlfriend but again, there’s no law or rules that can be enforced to make me be your boy/girlfriend.

Finally we get to marriage where two friends develop a relationship and a unique bond that suppasses friendship. It is a relationship that is sealed by a contract made before God, and recognized by families, friends and the state. For many an outward sign of being married is the wife taking the husband’s last name and the exchanging of rings. The definition below spells it out best.

• Marriage is the mix of love and a heartfelt commitment between two people who promise to stand by each other through life's journey. It's the union of hearts, a bond that goes beyond friendship, making two souls partners for life.

This is the only relationship you enter into and seal it with a kiss from God. It is the only relationship you enter into that is very serious and should not be entered into lightly. It is the only relationship where both people exchanges vows similar to these:

• I, ____, take you, ____, to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, and this is my solemn vow.

The only escape clause is death.

You have promised to love each other no matter what. Couples enjoy the better part of their marriage, but are quick to bail when they enter into the part that might be for the worse.

If you are struggling in your marriage,

Work it out.

If you’re not happy marriage,

Work it out.

If he’s gained weight while you’re married,

Work it out.

I could go on, but the point is this, THERE IS ONLY ONE ESCAPE CLAUSE.

If you don’t recall what the escape clause is, I’ll remind you.

“Till death us do part.”

Sadly it’s fairly easy to dissolve a marriage these days, and many times the reasons for the divorce are feeling based.

To that I say, WORK IT OUT!

If your spouse is willing to go through hell and back with you as you struggle to stay in your marriage, then she is the one for you, because she’s committed to “for better or worse”.

If during the worst, your spouse comes home to you every night, he’s committed to “for better or worse.”

Looking for happiness, outside of the marriage you committed to, is similar to dropping a nuclear bomb on your immediate and extended family. And yes, your children will be negatively impacted as you search for happiness or whatever it is you feel you’re not getting in your marriage.

It will always be painful tearing apart one flesh.

• Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

I’m not going to touch on adulterous relationships, but I think you could develop in your mind, my thoughts concerning that subject.

The podcast is better than what I just expressed, but the bottomline, in my opinion is this. Some of us put more effort into keeping relationships with friends than we do with our spouse; friends who are here today and gone tomorrow. Friends who smile in your face and have no problem stabbing you in the back. Friends who would love nothing more than to see your marriage flame out like theirs did.

Listen to the podcast. Put all you’ve got into your marriage everyday and Do NOT Get Divorced.